PART II
Welcome back to your official Charleston guide! Yes, that’s right, this guide right here is ALL you need if you’re planning a C-town trip— that is, if you only plan to just eat food until you think you’re going to die. Enjoy!
FRIDAY
The Daily – super cute little breakfast joint with pastries, sandwiches and specialty coffees.
Xiao Bao biscuit – the holy grail of restaurants, according to my husband. He is still raving about this place. He didn’t want to leave it. Honestly I’ve never seen him happier, including the day he married me.
He had no idea what he was in for….
Gin Joint – another place everyone told us to go, and I’m glad we did. It’s known for its crazy creative, unique gin drinks, and I totally branched out and got the exact same gin drink I always get, a gimlet, BUT told him to add CUCUMBER to it. BOOM!
Amen Street – amazing southern soul food: fried tomatoes, shrimp and grits, etc. Highly recommend.
Stars – another rooftop bar. Better than Vendue, still not as good as Rare Bird. Am I a Nashville snob? LMK.
Prohibition – I loved this place. They made me a drink that was set on fire and went up in huge flames mere centimeters from my face. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the safest situation, especially with the amount of hairspray I had in my hair at the time, but honestly I have zero regrets.
The Ordinary – I think this was B’s second favorite restaurant. But this pleasant dinner didn’t come without its complications. We were torn on which appetizer to order when I noticed the couple next to us had just been handed the baked oysters Barton was considering. I told him I’d settle this conundrum by asking the couples’ opinion, a brilliant idea he immediately shut down. There is nothing Barton hates more than when I poll complete strangers about things that he feels he should be able to figure out on his own. Also, never, ever, ever ask a person for directions when you’re in Barton’s presence (write that down, guys). In the most typical alpha male move in history, Barton refuses to ask other people how to get somewhere. Which is unfortunate because honestly asking people for directions and for their opinions on random things that don’t matter at all is sort of a hobby of mine.
Anyway, mama was hungry and I needed to get this appetizer fiasco figured out stat. So I leaned over and asked the couple next to us if I could sample a bite of one of their expensive oysters, just joking, mainly just to try and embarrass Barton. But then the girl, who had her fork half-way poked into one of the massive oysters already, removed her fork and handed me that oyster with an oddly blank expression.
CRAP. Now did I actually have to eat this oyster?? When she inched her fork even closer to my face I realized I would, in fact, have to eat this oyster. Which was a huge problem because she’d already had her used fork in it (OCD trigger) and honestly I didn’t really even like oysters.
Meanwhile Barton was melting into a sweaty, mortified puddle in the booth next to them.
Me: “OMG, haha! No, no, no, noooooo. I was totally just kidding. You keep your oyster, girl!”
Her: “Nope, it’s yours.”
Me: “No I feel terrible, these are expensive and y’all don’t have a lot of them. Take this back!” (I shove it back in front of her face.)
Her: “No really just take it. It’s delicious and it’s all yours.” (She pushes it back in my direction. Why is this person acting like this is a normal give-and-take?)
So, with Barton giving me “I’m fantasizing about murdering you” eyes and the couple looking at me waiting to see my reaction to this expensive huge gross slimy fishy oyster WITH A STRANGER’S FORK GERMS ALL UP IN IT, I somehow force myself to take world’s tiniest bite.
“AMAZING!!!!! HERE HUNNY YOU TRY NOW!” I’m smiling like a serial killer and already mentally Googling “how quickly do other peoples’ germs travel from forks to oysters?”
Barton gladly sucks it down. He loves oysters but more importantly he’d be damned if he’d let these peoples’ money go down the drain at the expense of one of my “jokes.”
Deco – after dinner, I was insistent on hitting up da clubz. This particular one had a $10 cover for men, so I forced B to go find an ATM. We walked in, spent literally exactly two minutes looking around in horror, then promptly walked out. I’m talking really, really old guys with really, really young girls with really, really, really big boobs and not a lot of clothing. I’m talking guidos with slicked back hair and bedazzled jeans and blue tooth headsets in their ears. I’m talking people droppin’ it like it’s hot except it was NOT HOT. AT ALL. Do not go here. I repeat, do not go here.
SATURDAY
Callie’s Hot Little Biscuit – luckily we got here early, so the line wasn’t awful, because I’m not sure I could talk B into waiting in a crazy line for these biscuits. Yes, they were delicious, but he put it in the same category as how people are psycho for Biscuit Love in Nashville and wait for hours in line: he just doesn’t think it’s worth it. (Am I being a buzz kill? They were good biscuits, ok!!! Just not life changing. Everyone get off my back.)
Leon’s Oyster Shop – we loved this place so much. It’s in an old renovated car service station and had the coolest vibe. Also, I stuffed my face here the most of any meal. The fried chicken sandwich brought me so much raw and unadulterated joy.
Sugar Bakeshop – after my embarrassing gluttony at Leon’s, I still insisted on stopping here to shove a cupcake in my mouth. It was glorious and I am not at all sorry about it.
Ruhm Bar – we sat here for a drink while we waited for a seat at 167 Raw (below). It was a bizarre little Jamaican bar that literally only served rum and there were tiki torches and palm trees and blaring Jamaican music and it just kind of felt cheesy and gimmicky to me. We stupidly ordered the rum flight, which was just straight up shots of rum that we were supposed to sip (I’m not sure what we thought a rum flight was going to be??) so we spent our time here choking down tiny sips of straight rum through gritted teeth.
167 raw – amazing food, loved this whole place. Loved the look and feel of it, but super small so be prepared to wait.
Tu – Barton was determined to eat at this place because they had exotic Asian food on the menu (he seriously has a weird fetish for exotic Asian food, should I be worried?). It was good, but hard to compete with Xiao Bao from the day before.
SUNDAY
Darling Oyster Bar – my favorite place! The décor is to die for, and the food is just as good. This was Barton’s birthday brunch but I successfully made it all about myself by demanding an extensive photo shoot in here.
Basic Kitchen – my other favorite place! The most clean, crisp aesthetic, white walls, natural wood, a minimalist’s heaven. Plus the most clean menu choices (reminded me of True Food Kitchen) with the best juices. I would eat here everyday if I lived in C-town. Again, in true extra fashion, Barton ordered an Activated Charcoal Lavender tea and, again, it came with a bouquet of flowers on it.
SIDENOTE!!! Our absolute favorite thing to do was rent the hotel bikes and ride literally all over the city. Biking up and down the adorably quaint streets with the cute doors and all the colors (wassup Rainbow Row?!) was truly the best. See? We did other things besides drink and eat into oblivion.
And then it was all over. But I’ve somehow managed to keep trudging forward with life, even though I’m not in C-town anymore (it’s because I’m still in denial). ‘Til next time, C-town!
Seeing what it would feel like to live here… (it felt dayum good).